Author: Linsey Driskill

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When our kids are frustrated, do we give them room to be human, or do we always try to force a smile?

My daughter was grumpy yesterday morning. Grumpy as grumpy can be. But, as we were trying to pull her out of the mood, encouraging her to replace the attitude with a better one, I thought about how my husband and I have our days too. And sometimes we just need a little space.

It can be difficult when our kids act like this when there seems to be no reason for it. But don’t we all have those days where we don’t feel ourselves and are just struggling some? If someone were to constantly get on us for that, it would be exhausting.

I don’t want my kids to feel like they have to fake it. To hide how they’re really feeling from us, and to project an “all is good” attitude, when they’re not feeling that way. I’m not saying to be okay with ungrateful hearts and sour attitudes – we do need to teach our kids that to have joy and gratefulness is a choice, and that the Lord calls us to it.

But, Jesus also cried, and was mad, and was filled with joy – he felt all the emotions because he was God and human at the same time. As humans, we just need to express ourselves sometimes, without it needing to be constantly filtered.

I do not want to take away their space for being human and being real.

Sometimes when we give our kids a few moments to gather themselves, they recover, and sometimes they retreat to their rooms. My daughter retreated to her room with glassy eyes. I knew she didn’t need a speech, but needed me to just come alongside her. So, I went into her room, sat on her bed, put my arm around her, looked into her eyes, and told her I loved her so much.

She broke down in tears, telling me how much she missed my dad (“Papa T” to her), who went to be with the Lord just two months ago. As my dad would always say, life is like a roller coaster – it will go up and down, but it will come up again. The ups and downs are just a part of life.

Whether our kids’ moods are up and down for a reason or no reason at all (aren’t ours at times?), sometimes they just need us to come alongside them, give them a hug, and tell them that we love them.

I’m not always very good at discerning between the two, but Lord, would you give each of us wisdom to know what our kids need and how to best love and lead them since you have entrusted them to us and since we love them dearly? Thank you, Lord. We love you. In Jesus’ Name, amen.

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My 10-year-old son & daughter came in the house bickering nonstop – each pleading their side and insisting how the other person was wrong.

I sat there listening to my kids argue back and forth pointing out each other’s faults (as a headache began). And, I thought…how easy it is to see the other person’s wrongdoing. As kids. As adults. And overlook our own.“

They’re in the wrong. Not us. It’s their fault.”

I had an idea. Before my headache grew, I stopped them, and said, “Instead of pointing fingers and telling me what your sibling did wrong, share with each other what you could have done differently.”

They got quiet quickly.

As they reflected, pride went out the door. And, humility came in quickly. The bickering stopped and they each apologized because they had open eyes to see their own shortcomings, without me being the referee.

And, then I thought, what if we, as adults, did that more often in our relationships. Instead of focusing on others’ shortcomings, we saw what WE could do differently.

Wouldn’t that be powerful?

And, isn’t that just what Jesus told us to do? To take the log out of our own eye before trying to take the speck out of our brother’s eye, to let go of pride, to grab a hold of humility, to confess our shortcomings and selfishness, to love others like He loves us?

Lord, when we are about to argue or in the midst of an argument, help us to pause and look inward. To stop the constant noticing of others’ wrongdoings, and to look instead at what we could do differently, to confess it, and to ask you to help us love better. Lord, help us love better. And, help us guide our children in loving well also. In Jesus’ Name, amen.

“If it is possible, as far as it depends on you, live at peace with everyone.” Romans 12:18

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