The Problem with not Wanting to “Bother” a Grieving Friend

It can be quite easy when a close friend is grieving to say to yourself, “I don’t want to bother her.” To send flowers or drop a meal off without seeing her.

But, what if everyone does that because no one wants to bother her? Then, who is sitting with her in her grief? Who is giving her space to talk about the one she has loved for so long but lost?

To keep the person alive in her heart, it helps to talk about him.

To not feel alone.

To know people loved him dearly, and love her also.

To know that they care.

Not all people will want someone there, and I’m not saying to overstay your welcome. But, I think it can be helpful and comforting to give your friend a hug, to talk about how much you loved the person and to simply ask if they’d like you to stay or want some time alone.

She might want to be alone or she might want to talk with you or share stories or sit quietly with you for a while.

Everyone is so different, so we need to find out what they want – the best way to do that? To ask them.

It might help her to spend some time with you so she doesn’t feel alone in her grief.

Even if it’s just a few minutes – the hug of someone close to you makes you feel like you’re walking this road with friends who love you and it just makes the burden a bit lighter.

If you’re not sure if you should call or text because you don’t want to bother the person – call or text. Just telling them you love them and are thinking about them or praying for them. If they don’t want to be bothered, they won’t answer the phone.

But, they will know that someone cared so much for them because they reached out. ❤

Lord, help us love one another deeply by considering their interests. Give us the wisdom to know how to be there for those we love who are hurting so they know we are with them and that you are with them also. In Jesus’ Name, amen.

“Carry each other’s burdens, and in this way you will fulfill the law of Christ.” Galatians 6:2

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Celebrating Life

Yesterday afternoon, my dad went to be with Jesus. 

It is surreal. It is painful. Missing him is excruciating as I’m sure so many of you have felt a similar way after losing a loved one. 

I arrived to the hospital an hour before it happened. It was peaceful. We were all huddled around him holding his hands, telling stories, crying, laughing, praying, being with him. I’m grateful he’s no longer in pain and that he is with the Lord.

Thank you to those who have been praying for our family. It means so much. We’re thankful for the nurses and doctors along the way who loved my dad and treated him like family and loved him so well.

My dad said to me years ago: You know how people are so sad at funerals? At mine, I want it to be a party. I want people to celebrate the wonderful life I have had.

So with all my heart I am trying to do just that – to turn my tears into joy and celebrating who my dad is because that is what he wants. He is always in our hearts and as his sister Priscilla said, I think of his laugh and smile and it make everything a little better. 

His joy and laugh indeed fill my heart with joy when I think about it. And to think I got him as my dad. Me, his little girl. I’m so grateful. 

I want to share some things I know my dad would want you to know:

– Tell stories a lot. And, if you follow his style, you’ll forget you told a story and will tell the same story again, and again, and again. I love that about my dad. The stories never ever got old. 

– Live life up to the fullest. My dad didn’t wait until retirement to enjoy life and make memories- he did that his entire life and, he was able to live out his dream during his life: being married to the love of his life, my mom, and so in love with her, always putting her on a pedestal as he would say, being close with each of us kids, and spending time in Destin, his very favorite place.

– That Jesus is the answer. He often told people who were in his office struggling that Jesus gives hope, life, joy. That Jesus is the Way to be with God, the Truth that will set you free, and the Life that will fill up your heart now and forever. 

– To love all people. My dad didn’t care who you were, rich or poor, waiter or executive, he treated everyone with deep interest and care in their lives. Everyone was a friend to my dad and he cared deeply for so many people. 

– To love what you do. My dad loved his job. He poured his heart and soul into it. He always cared so deeply for his clients- it wasn’t about the money for him. Ever. He cared about people first. Always. He had integrity and he always wanted to make sure they were taken care of.

– Reversion to the Mean. This was one of his favorite phrases. It basically means that everything will come back to normal. He would tell me when I was having a tough moment, that just as a roller coaster comes down, it will go up again. To take a deep breath- that all will be okay. Just take one step at a time.

– Ask questions. Lots of them. I remember when he came to speak at the inner city school where I used to teach about his job, Atlanta Youth Academy. He walked in the 7th grade class I taught and taped a $10 bill on the wall. He then spoke about his job and afterward asked if there were any questions. A girl in my class raised her hand and asked what the $10 on the wall was for. he said, It’s yours now. He took it down and handed it to her. He said, in life, when you don’t know something, ask a question – that’s how you learn and grow in knowledge and knowledge is power. 

I guess the last thing I will say is, I just love my dad so much. He has always been my biggest encourager- the one I go to when I need wisdom, direction, and encouragement. Years ago, he and I did the Max Lucado devotional, “Just Like Jesus: A 30-day Walk with the Savior” together. We would email each other every day after we read the devotional.

That was one of my very favorite memories with my dad, along with the time we spent together just before he walked me down the aisle at my wedding, and he said, “I told you you that you would meet the man of your dreams.” (: The picture of us above is from that moment – one of my very favorite pictures of us.

And, the many times we would walk to the Jetties together, all the times he would make me laugh, his passion pouring out of his lips in the midst of encouraging me. And, his hugs, his joy, his laugh, his smile, him. We love him so much and he will always be in our hearts. 

Devotional Giveaway!!!!

*Amazon already sold out of my mother-daughter devotional about women in the Bible, but they just put in another order – order yours now and you should get it soon!*

You can find it here: LinseyDriskill.com/Devotional

*This Giveaway is closed* I’m doing a Devotional Giveaway that opens today!!! If you want to be entered to win, comment on this post! {Giveaway closes Thursday at 9am and you have to be in the continental United States due to shipping.}

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Mama, the mess won’t last forever

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Beautiful Hearted Women of the Bible

My Mother-Daughter Devotional launches October 5th!

I’m really excited to do some questions/prayers in the coming weeks about these beautiful hearted women to help us focus more on the Lord and draw our hearts close to Jesus.

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Martha is one of my favorite women in the Bible. When her brother died, do you know what she did?

She didn’t hide her pain from Jesus, she didn’t pretend to have it all together, she didn’t reject Jesus. Mary shared her honest thoughts with him.

Standing right there in front of Jesus, the King of the world, God incarnate, she opened her heart of confusion and pain to him.

John 11 tells us, “When Martha heard that Jesus was coming, she went out to meet him, but Mary stayed at home.

‘Lord,’ Martha said to Jesus, ‘If you had been here, my brother would not have died. But I know that even now God will give you whatever you ask.’

Not only did she share her pain and confusion with Jesus, but she still believed. What a courageous, faithful woman. She still believed. After all that heartache and confusion. She made a choice to believe. Isn’t that beautiful?

“Then Jesus said to her, ‘Your brother will rise again.’ Martha answered, ‘I know he will rise again in the resurrection at the last day.’

Jesus said to her, ‘I am the resurrection and the life. The one who believes in me will live, even though they die; and whoever lives by believing in me will never die. Do you believe this?

’Martha, grieving her brother, answered him. ‘Yes, Lord,’ she replied, ‘I believe that you are the Messiah, the Son of God, who is to come into the world.’

Wow. She believed in the midst of her heartache.

While Jesus said he would heal Lazarus, she hadn’t seen it yet, and she still was grieving her brother, with Jesus having wept right by her side.

Yet, she chose to believe. Beautiful.

Let it be said of us, that in our pain, heartache, confusion, we say, ‘Yes, Jesus. We believe.”

Just like Martha did.